In a shocking turn of events, King Charles has declared a national emergency over the UK’s rapidly dwindling olive tree population. The culprit? An unexpected surge in demand for olive branches, as British tabloid journalists frantically attempt to extend peace offerings to Prince Harry across the pond.
“It’s a right royal mess,” declared His Majesty, adjusting his crown nervously. “One minute I’m talking to my plants, the next I’m watching them being stripped bare by Fleet Street’s finest. How am I supposed to make my organic olive oil now?”
Sources close to the palace report that Charles has been spotted patrolling the grounds of Buckingham Palace at night, armed with a watering can and muttering, “Speak softly and carry a big stick… to fend off those bloody journalists!”
Meanwhile, agricultural experts warn of a looming “olive branch deficit,” predicting that by 2025, the UK may need to import peace offerings from Mediterranean countries. “We never thought Brexit would lead to this,” lamented one expert, shaking his head. “Who knew reconciliation could be so environmentally taxing?”
In response, enterprising Brits have begun cultivating alternative plants for reconciliation. Proposals include “forgiveness ferns,” “truce tulips,” and “make-up marigolds.” However, palace insiders report that Charles remains skeptical, insisting that “nothing says ‘sorry for calling you a spare’ quite like a good old-fashioned olive branch.”
As the crisis deepens, rumors swirl that Meghan Markle has been seen planting olive trees in California, leading some to speculate about a potential “green peace” initiative. Harry, reportedly confused by the whole affair, was overheard asking, “Wait, I thought we were supposed to be extending olive branches, not pinching them. Did I miss a memo?”
In a last-ditch effort to save the situation, the King is said to be considering a royal decree mandating that all future familial disputes be resolved via strongly worded letters written on recycled paper. “At least that way,” sighed Charles, “we might have some trees left for the next coronation.”
