The Duchess of Sausages, Meghan Markle, was reportedly seen furiously counting Instagram likes and refreshing her Google alerts after Prince Harry’s birthday extravaganza threatened to overshadow her entire existence. Sources close to the couple’s Montecito mansion claim that Meghan spent the day in her “Gratitude Room,” frantically scribbling in her manifestation journal.
“It’s not fair,” Meghan was overheard wailing to her vision board. “I gave up my D-list acting career and my lifestyle blog for this? To watch Harry get more birthday wishes in 24 hours than I’ve had since I learned how to spell ‘tiara’?”
Meanwhile, Prince Harry, ever the supportive husband, attempted to console his wife by reminding her of their shared victimhood. “Darling,” he cooed, “remember, it’s not about the quantity of birthday wishes, but the quality of our Netflix deal.”
Insiders report that Meghan immediately began brainstorming ways to reclaim the spotlight. Ideas ranged from announcing a new podcast titled “Archetypes of Attention-Seeking” to staging a photo-op where she heroically rescues a corgi from a burning Buckingham Palace.
“Perhaps we could leak another private conversation with my father,” Harry suggested helpfully, only to be met with an icy glare that could freeze the Thames.
As the day wore on, Meghan reportedly called an emergency meeting with her PR team, demanding they find a way to make her birthday “the most celebrated event since the invention of avocado toast.” Suggestions included declaring her birthday a national holiday in California (rejected for being too subtle) and renaming all the streets in Montecito after her (dismissed for lacking global impact).
In a last-ditch effort to salvage her wounded ego, Meghan considered writing another children’s book, tentatively titled “The Bench: Birthday Edition – Why Mommy’s Special Day is More Important Than Daddy’s.”
As night fell on the Sausages’ 16-bathroom humble abode, Harry was seen sneaking off to the guest wing, clutching his phone and whispering, “Williams, mate, I know we’re not on speaking terms, but any chance you could send a belated ‘happy birthday’ to Meghan? I’ll owe you one… or maybe 16 more tell-all interviews.”
