Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, has announced that her podcast will be hopping from Spotify – where she was allegedly dubbed a “f…. grifter” behind closed doors – to Lemonada, a podcast network with about as much clout as a dandelion in a hurricane.
But fear not, dear listeners, for Meghan is here to spin the narrative faster than you can say “royal debacle.” According to her royal decree, the move to Lemonada represents a bold step forward, a triumph of independence over oppression, and a victory for podcasters everywhere who dream of making it big in the world of lemon-themed audio content.
“I am thrilled to be partnering with Lemonada,” Meghan proclaimed with all the gravitas of a duchess turned lemonade mogul. “Their commitment to storytelling and their passion for squeezing every drop of potential out of life is truly inspiring.”
But let’s not sugarcoat it, folks – Lemonada may be refreshing on a hot summer’s day, but when it comes to podcast listenership, it’s about as popular as a an interactive tour of the Harkle’s Montecito house. With Spotify boasting a staggering 30 million listeners in the US alone, and Lemonada barely mustering 1 million, Meghan’s claims of an upgrade are about as believable as Prince Andrew’s alibi.
Of course, Meghan’s loyal band of royal commentators – the same ones who wouldn’t know a lemonade stand from a palace balcony – are quick to sing her praises. “This move gives Meghan more control over her content,” they chirp like birds in a lemon grove, conveniently ignoring the fact that Lemonada’s audience is smaller than the guest list at a royal christening.
As for Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex, he’s reportedly relieved that Meghan’s newfound control is not over him – a sentiment echoed by royal watchers who are just grateful to see him escape Meghan’s lemon-scented clutches unscathed.
