In a stunning turn of events, Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, has agreed to attend a charity function without the promise of a book deal or Netflix documentary. Sources close to the royal family report that King Charles barely looked up from his stamp collection upon hearing the news, muttering something about “jolly good” before returning to his philatelic pursuits.
Prince William, ever the supportive brother, reportedly marked the occasion by continuing to breathe normally and maintaining his regular heart rate. Palace insiders suggest he may have even blinked twice in acknowledgment.
The true excitement, however, lies with Prince Harry himself. Witnesses claim to have seen a spring in his step as he boarded his flight, clutching a “How to Tie a Windsor Knot for Dummies” book. Speculation runs rampant that the Duke may be experiencing a phenomenon known as “peace and quiet” – a concept as foreign to him as a 9-to-5 job.
Meanwhile, the staff at WellChild are frantically googling “how to host a prince who’s forgotten how to prince.” Rumors suggest they’ve hired a Royal Etiquette Consultant, whose primary job is to remind Harry which fork to use and to refrain from starting sentences with “So, when I was in the Palace…”
As for Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, she’s reportedly filling her Harry-free time by rehearsing her Oscar acceptance speech for a movie she hasn’t been cast in yet.
In related news, British bookies have opened a new betting pool: “Will Harry remember which side of the car to enter?” Current odds stand at 3:1 against.
The royal family’s official statement on the matter was a masterclass in verbose nonchalance: “We acknowledge Prince Harry’s decision to momentarily remember his royal duties. God save the King, and may God have mercy on the event organizers.”
